Nighty's Theory
by Alastor Sparda
Summary: Nighty has a theory about yoshimitsu. Yungsung has an urge to dissect things, and now some Tekken characters have joined in on the fun. rated T just to be safe, first fanfic
1. Chapter 1: nighty's theory

Nightmare's theory

Chapter1: Yoshimitsu, ninja my a...

i don't own SC or tekken i wish i did but then it would be completely different and...they'd be fighting over a taco not a legendary sword.

"Yoshimitsu the "mystical space ninja", the flashy character from the TEKKEN AND SOULCALIBUR series." Nightmare says as he paces around the room which is filled with the cast of soul calibur and tekken. he clears his demonic throat and speaks.

"Okay no offense I love Yoshi he's hilarious..."namu." Yoshi would say as he kicks some characters ass high into the air and stabs them with his sword. The sword also named Yoshimitsu for the convenience of name forgetters." Nightmare then pulls out a flash projector and has diagrams of Yoshimitsu's tekken and soul calibur costumes.

"But may I ask is he really a ninja? I mean look at him sure he has those flashy moves. but he uses a KATANA! FYI. Katana's are for Samurais!"

"I object." yells Mitsurugi

"Object about what?" Nightmare replies

"About nothing I just always wanted to say that."

"Okay...whatever .Besides, why? why would a ninja turn into and alien??? UNLESS...he was an alien all along!!! I mean look at the guy in his tekken 5 out fit...Alien VS. Predator anyone? He's just plain CREEEEEPY!!!" Nightmare says as his demonic arm flexes

"And that's not creepy." Siegfried says as he points to Nightmare's arm.

"Shut up Sctuaffen...lest I ram my armor covered foot up your soft human behind."

"Whatever...just trying to have a conversation...you never try to contact me..."

"Because you hate me."

"You're just plain rude."

"Okay I'll pretend that didn't happen...okay...and how a Japanese man can live for like 400 years!?! Aliens I say! I mean to go from the Yoshimitsu from soul calibur with his meaty humany flesh to his tekken self with his metaly outside with his soft insides. Conspiracy!!! The government is covering up something!!!"

Hwoarang raises his hand

"Yes my delicious Korean...whose soul I promised the author I would not eat?"

"What the hell are you talking about??"

"Exactly! See? HE proves Yoshimitsu is that confusing!!!" Nightmare ignores the questioning looks from the rest of the people in the room and proceeded to speak again...even more. Who knew he was such a chatter box?

"There would have to be aliens involved or some sort of magic...what ever it is I suggest we dissect him! For scientific reasons, of course!"

Hwoarang and Yun-Seong stood up wooted and hi-fived each other then sat back down. Nightmare growled and grasped the hit of soul edge and wished he could take their souls. But he promised not to because the author had bribed him with a shiny soul which belonged to (insert fav characters name here)

"So here's the plan...we attack the current Yoshimitsu...I mean the other Yoshimitsu...okay...the soulcalibur Yoshimitsu..." Nightmare explains

"Then we dissect him?" Asks Yun-seong/Yungsung/whateverthefeckhisnameis.

"Then we question him."

"Then what?"

"We torture him..."

"Then we dissect him..?"

"Yes. Then we...dissect him yungsung..."

"All right..!" Yunsung yelled aloud disturbing the others in the room.

So has anyone really got a plan? Nightmare has a point kind of...right? Right??? Will the author ever write better chapters? will Yunsung dissect something? Will I stop asking you people questions? Will I continue and improve?

Short chapter I know bad grammar too. But hey screw it I'm tired. And well I just wanted to get rid of this.


	2. Chapter 2: organizing somewhat

Chapter two: trying to get organized

I realized, maybe some people don't know tekken; well you could search for it on wikipedia I suppose. Also the only characters from tekken I will include will be Jin, Hwoarang, Steve and Nina. You may request for me to add others, I guess.

I just remembered I DON'T own soulcalibur or tekken…darn.

---

Nightmare had everybody in the room stare at the graphs, the ones that nobody really understood because Nightmare's writing hand was the right one, which…was the claw.

"Any questions?" Nightmare asked in his not so melodious voice.

Jin stood up "Yeah…Why is the plan in crayon?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

Steve raised his hand "What language is that?"

"Actually…that's a diagram of Yoshimitsu…"

The room was so silent after that, that if a feather landed on the ground it would have sounded like an explosion.

Hwoarang whispered into Yunsung's ear "He should learn to be ambidextrous, and then maybe he could write."

Of course with the room being all quiet like that everybody could hear the comment.

Jin slapped Hwoarang on the back of the head, really hard, with a chair…so now he was lying on the floor DEAD, I mean unconscious…

"Anyways…" Nightmare began as he pointed to the poorly drawn crayon diagram, which was so horribly done that no one, save for nightmare, could understand.

After several explanations of the plan Nightmare realized that they were getting no where, fast.

"You know what?" he said ignoring everyone's questioning looks, yet again.

"What?" asked Yunsung, Jin hit him with the chair too, there was silence in the room and then everyone realized that Jin was out of character, curse that Author, curse her and all her malformed writing skills, so now Yunsung was on the floor in a similar fashion to Hwoarang.

"You know what; I'm getting too old for this, as the vengeful spirit of the cursed sword, embodied in this Azure armor…" blah ditty blah di dah "…And so I command you to do what ever you like, as long as Yoshi gets caught by somebody."

No body responded, they all just sat there like fat plump couch potatoes, Man I could go for French fries at the moment right now.

"Hello? I SAID MARCH!" nightmare yelled with his raspy annoying retardified voice.

No body moved still because quite frankly no one cared about Nighty's plan, they had only come for the free Nachos offered in the invitation.

"What's in it for me?" asked Hwoarang who was conscious again, unfortunately Jin was still fond of his chair, repeated the action similar to before but only harder.

"Why do you keep doing that?" asked Raphael smirking

"Obviously you've never hit a Korean before, it's kind of addicting," yep, Jin was definitely hit with Out Of Character Syndrome, what a shame, he was only the character with the least personality in Tekken 5 anyway, so I gave him one, who cares?

Nightmare now understood what to do now, but what to bribe them with? And then it hit him, FOOD!!! Come one if they had been bothered to come for nachos it means they would do more for food…right?

Nightmare laughed, it was a stupid laugh in my opinion, a very stupid laugh, and to put it bluntly Nightmare should not be allowed to laugh.

Nightmare slammed soul edge on the ground creating enough noise to gain everybody's attention, and make the room shake a bit.

"Alright, now that I'd like to say to all of you, first one to catch Yoshimitsu gets an apple pie…"

Suddenly the cast of soul calibur dashed through the door, pushing and shoving even Hwoarang and Jin were punching and kicking their way through. The only one's left behind in the room were Tira, Voldo, Steve and Zasalamel.

Nightmare stared at them with a puzzled look on his face, or what we assumed was his face since we couldn't see it actually.

Zasalamel sighed, "I hate apple pie…"

"ditto." Said Tira in a happy mood

Steve munched on the remaining Nachos that everyone had forgotten about.

As for Voldo, he was deaf, blind and mute and had no idea where he was, and what was going on so he just hissed.

---

Okay another short one, running out of ideas. I think this is a pathetic attempt at fan fiction, I should do so much better, but I have a kind of writers block hence the crappy ideas. Sorry folks. But if you would like this to continue just review, I don't care if it's constructive criticism, just please no flames. I knew I should have done a one-shot.

Next chap Yoshimitsu finds…Yoshimitsu?


	3. Chapter 3: nighty's nightmare

Chapter 3: Nighty's Nightmare

Okay with this story so far… we have two extremely bruised Koreans, an apple pie craving horde of video game characters and …three non-apple pie eaters. A normal day for me I'd have to say.

And darn it…I don't own these characters, sucks for me eh?

By the way for those of you saying Voldo is not deaf…really? Someone told me he was… they said he had some sixth sense or something…and doesn't the thingy on his face go over the ears? I'll have to check and edit if so, thanks…

Oh yeah…I decided that Yoshimitsu would not appear in this chapter. Darn.

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Today's episode proudly brought to you by SOUL STRAWS!!! Tired of making a mess all over the place while feasting on your bloodied rampages? Well here's the answer to all your soul feasting needs! No fusses just stick the straw into the person and suck!(wow that sounded relatively bad) excellent for you sword wielding evil guys out there! (Warning: inhaling straw may cause much bodily harm followed by slow painful death)

---

Nightmare paced around the room, he checked the clock on the wall and paced some more, how very interesting.

Tira and Zasalamel were discussing on their hate about pie and Steve had eaten all the nachos and lay on the floor bloated from all the cheesy-ness…is cheesy –ness even a word…probably not…

"Darn it…" Nightmare growled as he checked the clock "What's taking my slaves…err I mean…acquaintances so long to catch Yoshimitsu? It's been five minutes already I thought somebody would have encountered him on their tales of souls or arcade mode by now…" he kicked the floor scuffing the ground…which was made of cement, producing flakes of cement chunks and dust all over the place…

"You know they're not miracle workers…" Tira managed to cough through a mouthful of cement, murder on the lungs I'd have to say.

"Hey nightmare…why don't we go somewhere and waste some time?" Zasalamel's voice was barely audible through the coughing and wheezing.

Nightmare had not considered leaving osteinsburg…no wait…orstheinsburg…I forgot how to spell it, I know it ends with something-burg castle, and perhaps killing some time, finding some souls and have a snack, causing some destruction here and there...yeah sounded nice to get out and do something violent in this fan fiction.

"Why don't we go to a flea market?" Steve suggested from the floor while staring at the ceiling.

"Flea…market?" asked nightmare, in Nightmares brain there were many things, he was imagining a market full of itchy fleas for instance…or a market that was run by a race of super humanoid fleas? Nightmare had many screws loose and quite frankly these screws would never have fit in the correct place anyways…

Steve groaned impatiently "You know…it's like a place where you get second hand crap…and like some of it's been never used before, oh and there are like really cool fortune teller people."

Nightmare pondered this as he paced across the room, he had currently paced long enough that his armor had worn holes into the ground, BIG holes, he finally came to a decision, if the market was full of items…people would come and buy stuff right? And where there was selling of items there was people buying items…and where people were there were souls right? and nightmare plus a huge crowd of people equals one satisfied sword.

"Alright! We'll go!" yelled Nightmare kind of loudly.

Okay I can't be bothered writing about how they got there 'kay? So well pretend that they miraculously got there somehow yeah…some story plot flaw I guess.

Ah the flea market bustling with life and lot's of annoying people yelling out to buy stuff!

Nightmare's small group had entered the market but having to pay a small entrance fee, of course Tira being the nice person she was, paid the man by giving the man a cool scar across the face! How cool is that?!? I wish Tira gave me some type of cool present like that...okay maybe not…but anyways the man was so grateful with his screaming and cursing while rolling around on the ground that he let our heroes…or villains go in for free!

Zasalamel surveyed some of the items in the stalls; he eventually came to a small strange stall with a creepy shriveled old man, while looking at stuff something caught his attention, "What's that?" Zasalamel asked pointing to the item of interest

"It's a monkeys paw…"Said the old man smiling "It will grant the owner five wishes…but beware it is cursed." Dramatic music could be heard in the background

"Five wishes?!?" Zasalamel yelled happily, if this was true Zasalamel could ask for the wish he wanted the most, which was to die, yay for Zasalamel

"So? do you accept large wads of bills?" Zasalamel asked excitedly, and so Zasalamel handed over a lot of money in exchange for a shriveled monkeys paw, which I might add is bad because A. the monkey needs his paw and B. that's just plain nasty.

Zasalamel came running up to the group holding a plastic bag which the man had gladly given him to hold his old monkeys paw in.

Nightmare meanwhile was in sheer bliss because he had reached the best part of the market, the food court and it was filled with people! Oh what a glorious feast! But he promised the author he wouldn't... but then he thought..hey why not? what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. So nightmare pulled out his straw (supplied by our sponsors of course) and began to pig out on his tasty feast of many souls!

Tira and Steve happily walked together toward a fortune teller that Steve had talked about so much; they entered the small building it was decorated with many strange items like shrunken heads and what not.

There was a creepy old lady at a table near a crystal ball the ball was cloudy and it was just so mysterious and did I mention the building smelled like cat pee?

"What shall it be? Fortunes? Spells? Or curses? Please let it be curses! I love cursing things!" she yelled mysteriously…if that's possible…

Tira and Steve sat at the table, across from the scary cat piss fortune lady

"OH ME! ME! FORTUNE ME!! I WANT MY FORTUNE TOLD!!!" Yelled Tira happily and then...suddenly... the bi-polar-ness took over "GIVE ME MY FORTUNE ALREADY OLD BAG!" she yelled angrily

Steve slapped himself on the forehead and hoped Tira wasn't prone to catching curses.

The old woman waved her hand over the globe and was about to start telling tira's fortune when…

Nightmare burst through the doors, energized from pigging out on the random souls outside began marching into the room intending to take the soul of the old fortune teller as well, but just as he had passed the doorway a bunch of sparkly strings of beads got in his way and then he tripped over some carpet knocking over a book case which knocked over a fish bowl which landed on the mystic globe thingy which shattered on impact with the floor, to put it bluntly the old fortune cat piss lady was not happy at all.

"I Curse YOU!!!" she yelled and then some sparkly mumbo jumbo happened and nightmare blacked out, but when nightmare would awaken nothing could prepare him for what had happened to him. This was indeed Nighty's Greatest Nightmare…

---

Yeah suspense is the Devil I know. But oh well it's my story and I'm supposed to be asleep right now, no time left for messing around but I thought I'd update and add more retarded-ness at least. I'm not sure if a lot of people like this but I promise I'll start trying.

There was a bit of Simpson's reference here incase you didn't realize…

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter I actually put a bit of thought into it I will reveal the nature of nightmare's CURSE next time on Nighty's theory.


	4. pandamonkeys!

Chapter 4: Nighty's nightmare part two

So far it's been positive commentary, that's good…unless you people are trying to drive me mad with paranoia?!? Maybe not…but maybe you are..? Sorry I'm a little paranoid. But I digress; in fact the plot of the story has completely changed as well.

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Today's episode brought to you by "Fuzzy paws INC." where all your wishes come true! get your very own shriveled monkeys hand today! Five wishes! That's right 1, 2, 3, 7, and 5!!!

(Warning: some wishes may result in the destruction of mankind, we will not be held responsible for your stupidity. Also you don't sue us we sue YOU.)

Order now and get a lucky rabbit's foot FREE! (OMFG is displayed in flashing letters along with, yes we like mutilating animals!)

---

Nightmare awoke; he pushed strands of hair away from a soft humany face...wait…fleshy? Humany? …FACE?!?

Nightmare pinched himself to make sure he wasn't hallucinating; nope pain and lots of it…wait? pain? In desperation he sat up and looked around the room, it was the cat piss lady's place and he remembered stumbling like a one legged deer across the floor, he remembered blacking out…kind of; and that was it.

He wondered what could have happened to him, how could have become such a monstrosity? A human…WHY? Oh cruel fate! He tried not to gag, but no avail he searched for the nearest bin.

Once he had finished…well yeah, he was greeted by Tira, Zasalamel and Steve. Tira and Zasalamel were in fits of laughter that was until Tira's personality changed then she attempted to tear off Zasalamel's head, but not-so-luckily for Zasalamel the author needed for him to complete the story, so HA!

So the squabbling pair were pushed apart by Steve, Nightmare cocked his head to the side, his neck made a creaking sound

"ARRRRGH!" he yelled, he was tired of being human already, he only just started and his neck was killing him.

The others in the room turned to the screaming nightmare who assumed a crouched position on the floor and rolled around, he was the only one who failed to notice that there were no clothes under the armor and that the gaps were revealing many things.

Tira whistled and Zasalamel looked away towards the monkey's paw in the bag, obsession much? Steve rushed to get Nighty something to wear.

So an hour later Steve had decided to teach nightmare how to dress him self by giving him instructions from behind the door. When nightmare came out he was wearing his clothes…inside out, well this was his 50th try so it was good enough!

Zasalamel grinned as nightmare entered the room, it wasn't a nice grin either it was a 'ha-ha I know something you don't want to know!' grin, not that nightmare could tell since he had no idea about human behavior, because well all know human souls go in the mouth and that's all they're really useful for.

"What is it?" he growled in a voice less gravelly than his own, but still gravelly non-the-less.

Zasalamel held out a small mirror which he had ready for when Nightmare came through the door, Nightmare then remembered he never got to look at this human counter part, so he gazed into the shiny mirror, in his reflection he saw a pseudo Siegfried, but instead of blonde hair, there were dark black strands, but other than that it was a pretty good resemblance.

Nightmare felt like hanging himself there and then, it was well (excuse the pun) a nightmare.

---

Now let's go have a flashback because well…I felt like it and well if I were you I'd be wondering what exactly happened while nightmare was unconscious, yeah.. Well…I thought I'd be nice and waste some more typing space with this yeah…

"What the hell did you do old BAG!?" Tira screeched after nightmare hit the floor, and then suddenly became human.

The old cat piss lady chuckled "I turned him into something he loathes the most, the protagonist!!!" and with that she threw a smoke bomb, the clouds of smoke which quickly disappeared, revealed her old hunched figure walking out the door, oh how very dramatic…

End of flashback

---

Nightmare looked at his right hand with a forlorn expression on his face, he missed his claw… "Oh clawy how I miss you!"

Yeah…well at least he can write properly now I hope, nightmare turned around to see Zasalamel talking to the contents of his plastic bag.

"Hey…Zas, What's in the bag?"

Zasalamel looked at the group hesitantly; he wondered if it was the right time to reveal his special item of DOOM! Eh…yeah. Reluctantly he pulled out the monkeys paw, there was a collection of 'ewwws' coming from the others, Zasalamel sighed and he thought he could at least explain…no wait…writers feeling lazy right now will she type?

Yes…no…maybe…yes she will yay!

"It's a monkey's paw…" he began

"No shit." Nightmare interrupted

Zasalamel grunted in disapproval of Nighty's comment "…as I was saying before I was RUDELY interrupted by SOMEBODY who will remain nameless…" the word nightmare could be heard between coughs "It grants magical wishes."

"Why don't you try it out?" asked Steve suddenly

Nightmare grabbed it suddenly "I wish…for…I wish to be the bad dude again!"

Nothing happened; nightmare chucked the piece of crap aside, "this sucks."

Tira picked up the monkeys paw "Maybe it doesn't like you..?" she asked nightmare

"Or maybe it's because he can still be the bad guy while being human?" suggested Steve

Nightmare took the paw again; maybe he could test it out with a wish that was actually visible…something that works, what did nightmare want besides being the antagonist?

Something he desperately needed…then it hit him, with the force of a brick that had been launched with a canon because I felt like typing that, not that a thought could hit him hard at all.

"I miss my claw! I wish my hand was a claw!"

And simple as that he had a claw… but he did not specify what kind of claw though, so obviously we know the monkeys paw is cursed, so it's obvious he got a dud wish.

Nightmare glared at his new claw, it was shiny…not fleshy…and it was cold and not attached to his flesh like his old one, he missed it…oh well maybe this new claw might be just as cool? No there was now way…his old one had mouths…piece of junk monkey paw…he tossed it to Zasalamel, who caught it.

---

Guess what everybody! I forced this chapter so it's complete and total laziness!

But I thought I was being mean so I updated. Lucky you whooo! Not really…I will not be held responsible for any damage to the brain, so yeah don't sue me. Sue namco it's their fault I wrote this piece o weirdness.


	5. Chapter 5: WTF?

Chapter 5: I suck at names so HA!

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Again I say…What am I on for writing this?

But it's nice to know people kind of like my stuff, even if it's a little…crazy.

Oh and thanks for the reviews.

Again I must say the disclaimer? Okay! But only because I like the sound of my own voice…I mean…uh…my fingers clicking on the keyboard?

I don't OWN SOULCALIBUR. I only own the games on ps2. If I owned it do you think it would be as neat as it is now?

I don't own anything but the story.

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Today's episode brought to you by, Apocalypse ponies! Punishment from above (if you've seen that robot chicken episode you'll get it)

Start your own Apocalypse today!

(Scene changes to Nightmare standing in front of the screen)

Nightmare stares blankly at the screen before blinking and speaking

"I fully endorse this event and or product." He says as the crappy scene which was recorded on a grey background ends

(Scene changes and my little pony theme plays)

Okay. I admit that was some crazy shit. Even for me…

---

Nightmare was looking at the new claw previously obtained in chapter four. It was a stupid clunky thing, and it's was cold.

Nightmare had a claw, which was stupid and shiny. It also hindered his ability to write.

So he moved his other hand which did not have a claw and tried to pry it off! But no matter how hard he tried to pry the little fecker off (yeah not exactly the type of person to swear…and I like disrupting the flow of the story with comments) but it wouldn't come off.

"Nnnnnnnnrgh!" he…grunted if you could call it a grunt.

There was knocking at the door to which Nightmare did not respond because the little fecker, which the author had lovingly named, was just so bloody stubborn.

So instead Zasalamel who had been watching the whole thing HAD to get up and move AWAY from his favorite show. Yeah he liked watching Nightmare struggle.

"Who is it?" he demanded with his best angry-I'm-so-cool-because-I-am-voice.

"It's Siegfried."

"Oh! It's Wiener boy! Come right in."

Siegfried sighed; he wished people wouldn't call him a wiener because he was German. I mean come on what have wieners got to do with Siegfried anyway?

Siegfried came through the door with a sack. The contents moved in the sack every few minutes and a snoring sound which sounded like my grandfather with asthma at night.

"So what's in the bag?" Tira questioned. Actually she behaved rather calmly for a demented bipolar…green elf! Yeah you heard me ELF! Why else would she run around like a female peter pan with a sleazy shirt on?

Nightmare had just turned around to find Siegfried in the building

'_Okay nightmare act natural. He's only the blonde goody two shoes bastardized version of you. I mean like you're so much more attractive and you have a claw! A CLAW DUDE! Wait…it's not a cool claw though…" _Nightmare thought to himself. His brain was talking to him again. Siegfried stomped into the room and he and nightmare came face to face, for a moment the two were so tense that no one wanted to interrupt them in fear that one would lunge at the other and then suddenly Siegfried opened his mouth to speak; "who are you?" he said and then as a sudden after thought added "why are your clothes inside out"

"_Of course he doesn't recognize you dumbass" _Nightmare's brain was talking again, god that was annoying "_you're a human now"_

Siegfried waited for an answer.

"Shut up brain…" Nightmare mumbled to himself.

"I beg your pardon?" Now Siegfried was giving Nightmare a strange look.

"WHY I AM NI…" nightmare stopped in his tracks "I'm Bob…" he finished his sentence nervously.

"Nice to meet you Bob! I'm Siegfried! You can call me Siggy! But not wiener boy…"

"…" Nightmare fell silent after that; he never realized the Siegfried was so…weird.

Siegfried offered his hand to shake nightmare grasped it and didn't know what he was supposed to do

"_Shake the hand RETARD!" _Nightmare's brain sure was having a hell of a time yelling at him.

"Here's to our new acquaintanceship!" Siggy yelled out to the other inhabitants of the room.

Nightmare shook Siegfried's hand and that was the beginning of a wonderful yet retarded acquaintanceship….

Now Review or like….I'll send the flying spaghetti monster and his noodly appendage to like…attack you or something with the noodly goodness!


End file.
